Titans Captured!
by Amazing Michelle-Man
Summary: While captured by Gizmo, Jinx, and Mammoth, the Titans have a lot of time to talk and explore EVERY pairing in the Teen Titans fandom. Pairings are not my opinions, just facts from breaking the fourth wall. Parody of pairings and some common scenarios.


The **fourth wall** refers to the imaginary "wall" at the front of the stage in a proscenium theatre, through which the audience sees the action in the world of the play. The term also applies to the boundary between any fictional setting and its audience. When this boundary is "broken" (for example by an actor speaking to the audience directly through the camera in a television sitcom), it is called "**breaking the fourth wall**."

~Wikipedia

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Titans Captured!

**Timeline:** Sometime before the fifth season…

When the Titans woke up, they knew immediately that they were not in the Tower. For one, they were all in a circle, staring at each other's faces, which was not how they had gone to sleep, and for two, this was not a room they had anywhere at home.

With their minds slowed down by the after-effects of sleeping drugs, Raven was the first to speak.

"So… which villain do you want to bet has us?"

"100 bucks it's Mumbo," Cyborg quipped.

"Nah…200 it's Slade," replied Robin.

"I'll bet $2.87, an old gumball, half a Pokémon card, and…this Batman sticker on Mad Mod," Beast Boy chipped in, raiding his pockets. The other four looked at him oddly for a moment before he looked up and saw them all staring. "What? We don't all have rich dads, you know." Another moment.

"Where'd you get that Batman sticker?" Robin asked curiously, leaning over to see it before they were interrupted by a crackle on the speaker overhead. Then, to their horror, it turned to a singing voice of a certain 3ft computer genius they knew.

"_Jingle bells, Beast Boy smells, Robin laid an egg. Cy-Mobile lost a wheel, and Raven did ballet, HEY! Jingle bells, Starfire smells, Starfire laid an egg. Star-fi-re lost a tire and Starfire ran away, HEY!"_

"Oh yeah, sooo original, because I haven't heard _that_ one my whole life." Robin rolled his eyes behind his mask.

"Man, why you gotta take it out on my baby? What'd she ever do to _you_?" yelled Cyborg, outraged that anyone would even _think _of something so horrendous happening to the T-car.

"Hey! I do NOT smell. I just took a shower…recently." To tell you the truth, Beast Boy wasn't so sure anymore.

"I don't _do_ ballet." Raven stated.

"_Hey, take a chill-pill, creeps; I just thought I'd sing you an __**original**__ song that__** I**__ wrote, just for you. But I couldn't fit Starfire in the first verse, so I thought she should just get her own." _Gizmo's voice filled the room and then so did Jinx's as she interrupted her accomplice with what sounded like a thud on the head.

"_You idiot, we told you NOT to sing that dumb song."_

"_Ow, hey! Stop that, it was funny!"_

"_No, it wasn't. Do want to impress the Brotherhood of Evil or not?_

"Friends," Starfire whispered loudly, "I am uncertain as to whether I should feel flattered or very insulted for getting my own verse."

"Insulted."

"Insulted."

"Very creeped out," Cyborg concluded.

"Well, I don't know, I think you should be flattered." Everyone turned to look at Beast Boy for the second time.

"Explain," Raven demanded.

"It looks to me like Gizmo has a crush on Starfire." Scrunched noses and mutterings of 'eww' collected around the room while Beast Boy nodded knowingly.

"_I do not!"_

"Excuse me, but a crush is when one being likes another being very much, correct?" They nodded their heads and Starfire began to blush. "Then I am most sorry, Gizmo, but I do not exchange a mutual attraction with you."

"_I_ _don't__like Starfire! She has__** Nice**_ _Cooties for evil's sake," _Gizmo pouted, as if that was the worst quality to have in a girl.

"You don't like Starfire? Really? _Starfire?" _Beast Boy couldn't help but raise his eyebrows and then snicker at Cyborg. "Well, we all know what that means…"

"Yeah, means you don' like people _like_ Starfire," Cyborg matched Beast Boy's evil grin.

"Means you don't like the way she _looks_," Robin had caught on and made the grin into a trio. Raven rolled her eyes.

"_Hey, I am not racist against aliens you Titan turds," _Gizmo said, trying to follow their conversation but failing miserably.

"Heh, that's not exactly what we meant," Cyborg started laughing.

"_Then what do you-"_

"_They think you're gay Gizmo," _Jinx stated dully.

"_What?! I am NOT gay! I don't know what you're-"_

"Well if you don't like Starfire then obviously…" Beast Boy tried to explain.

"_Yeah, well…Starfire likes Robin so what does that tell you about_her_ tastes?" _They could hear his shrill voice starting to get defensive.

But before anyone else could say anything on Robin or Starfire's behalf, Cyborg asked, "Wait, wait, wait, I thought_ Raven_ liked Robin?!"

"Noooo, _Starfire _and Robin are together," Beast boy rolled his eyes, he and Cyborg ignoring the other threes' blushes. "They're automatically a couple 'cause of the Trouble in Tokyo we dealt with a while back. Duh."

"But that doesn't really count, I mean, it's not exactly part of all the other stuff we've done. And remember during The End of the world? Robin and Raven _totally_ connected."

"That was just because of their bond from when Robin was Haunted. That wasn't anything romantic."

"Whatever dude, you just ship Rob/Star because you want Raven all for yourself!"

"What? No I don't. When have I ever shown a romantic pull towards Raven except when we smiled at each other after our journey in Nevermore?" Beast Boy wondered.

"I don't know…you just _like_ Raven. It's almost official that you've got a love triangle with her and Terra."

"Says who?" Beast Boy demanded.

"People!"

"What people?"

"Excuse me," Starfire interrupted, "But does Beast Boy not like Robin? I thought that was who he…" but she was cut off by Cyborg's sudden burst of laughter, Beast Boy's horrified face, and Robin's exclaim of _"What?!"_

"I don't like _Robin_! I've been shown to like Terra and Tokyo girls, so why would I randomly go gay?"

"I do not know, but it has happened every once in a while."

"What do you mean, 'happened every once in a while'?" Robin exclaimed, getting redder than he already was as the accusation. "Beast Boy and I have never done anything!"

"Oh…are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm. Sure!" Robin insisted. "This is not exactly something you can be unsure about."

"Raven, who do _you_ think Robin likes?" Cyborg said, turning to the quiet girl to get an opinion out of her.

"Personally, I thought he was with Slade."

"EGH! I would _never_ be with Slade! Out of any pairings, he's the _least_ likely!" Robin screeched.

"Well you did have that obsession with him…" Raven noted.

"To take him down and save the city, not to…_do it_… with him!"

"Well he's kind of a creep, so I think he wanted to _do it_ with you, as you so maturely put it." Robin opened his mouth to argue and then closed it thoughtfully.

"What of Red-X?" Starfire asked.

"_What about him?" _Robin demanded.

"There's always Speedy," Beast Boy commented.

"And Backfire," Starfire added.

"Kid Flash."

"OCs."

"Batman."

"Madame Rouge."

"Silkie."

"STOP!" Robin roared. He paused, looking them each in the face before pointing his finger and saying, "Raven's worse then me!"

"Am not," she protested. "Due to my being half demon and having obscure, dark powers that I have to mediate on everyday just to keep in check, if I were to have a strong emotional feeling to any _one_ or _several_ persons, there's no guarantee that the recipient of the emotional feeling, the world, or I would survive such a spontaneous and cosmic blow."

They paused.

"Well there's me, Beast Boy, Star…" Robin started, counting on his fingers.

"Aqualad," Beast Boy added.

"OCs quite a lot," said Cyborg.

"Jinx," Starfire commented brightly.

"Slade, Speedy, Red-X…" Robin continued.

"Malchoir."

"Even _Batman_, once…"

"Well they're all _very_ unlikely," Raven said defensively. "And what about Starfire? She just _looks_ like she's with a lot of shifty characters."

"Not really," Robin observed. "Mostly it's just me."

"Though I have also been paired up with Speedy, Red-X, Tamaranean Gary Sues, and in several rare cases, Beast Boy, though that is looked down upon by most as disturbing and awkward."

"Booooyaaah," Beast Boy said seductively, bobbing his neck. Cyborg slapped the back of his head for stealing his phrase. "Ouch. That reminds me, haven't you been with Slade like…a lot?"

"Nah, that was just Slade being a sadistic buttmunch, trying to lure me to his lair to make me his apprentice," Robin explained. "Even though he obviously gave up after his first attempt and moved on to Terra, he now makes pathetic, continuous, and overly ostentatious heists to capture and torture me. But he hasn't actually done anything_ to_ or _with_ Starfire to our knowledge."

He missed her sheepish glance at the floor.

"Hmm, you'd think someone who dresses like Starfire would date a lot more," Cyborg noted. They all looked at Starfire thoughtfully, who in turn, shrugged.

"Forget that, do me next!" Beast Boy said excitedly.

"Ok, mostly you've got your Rae/Terra triangle going on…" Cyborg started.

"Yeah, yeah…"

"But I think there's some slash going around about you and Aqualad," Robin said.

"Gross, dude."

"We have already discussed our disturbing and awkwardly sporadic relationship…" Starfire mused.

"Oooh yeaaaaah…"

"And your unsettling and random attraction to me," Robin scrunched his nose.

"Oooh nooooo…"

"And don't forget your obsessive fan-boy-ness with Batman," Raven droned, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but that's not really anything _bad,_ per say…"

They looked at each other for more answers. "Who else?" Robin asked.

"Maybe Jericho…" said Raven.

"Can't; this is before season five, we don't know him yet," Robin pointed out.

"Oh yeah…"

"Perhaps Speedy?" suggested Starfire. "He _has_ been paired up with every male character and Cheshire, all because he gets great pleasure in admiring himself in reflective glass."

"You know, I _really am_ straight, despite common belief!" Beast Boy exclaimed. The others avoided his eyes.

"Wait, What about Cyborg? He hasn't been in any of these pairings," Robin suddenly realized.

Everyone turned to look at Cyborg. "He's with Bumblebee," Beast Boy stated as if it was the most obvious fact in the world.

"Oh…Ok then."

"Wait, I am confused now as to who should be paired up with who with all these obviously crack couples we have been discussing," Starfire inquired.

"Ok, this is how it goes," Beast Boy began to explain before anyone else could, "Starfire likes Robin, Robin likes Raven, Raven likes me, I like Bumblebee, and Bumblebee likes Cyborg."

"You are speaking lies! Robin does NOT like Raven," Starfire burst out.

"I would never date a team member!" Robin said professionally, yet everyone could tell he was lying.

"If you're going to be so arrogant to believe that I could like you…" Raven accused, but drifted off.

"Do you really think Bee likes me?" Cyborg asked hopefully.

"Did you mean I like Robin in the 'Friend' way or the 'Crush' way?" Starfire asked just to make sure.

"Maybe we should find a way out of here instead of talking about all this 'who likes who' nonsense…" said Robin, trying to avoid the question.

"…But I know who Robin likes because I've been inside his head-" Raven commented knowingly.

"So if I called her, do you think she'd go out with me?" Cyborg still asked Beast Boy, half getting ready to call her on his arm-cell, oblivious to his friends' discomfort.

"Alright, team," Robin called out, suddenly having an idea, "I've got a solution to get this out of the way so that we can find a way out of here. At the same time, everyone is going to say who they have a crush on and then we will never speak of this again. Got it?" Everyone nodded. "Alright, one, two, three, Titans Go!" Right on cue, everyone shouted the person they liked, but it was impossible to decipher what everyone said on account of everyone talking over each other. Except of course for Raven, who spoke one second too late being nervous about sharing her feelings so everyone clearly heard her say "Kid Flash".

"No, Raven, we already agreed that this story takes place before season five and we didn't know Kid Flash before then despite him being a founding member of the original Teen Titans in the comics," Robin scoffed.

"Oh, sorry, I keep thinking that our finale, Things Change, already happened for some reason. Sorry guys." Raven thought for a moment. "Ok, then, I know who I like. Everyone say theirs again and I'll say mine too." Robin counted to three for the second time and everyone shouted a name all at once; no one left behind and no one understanding another.

"_I am sooo confused." _The Titans jumped, having forgotten that Gizmo, Jinx, and mammoth were still there.

"_Forget this, just give us some ransom money and you can go,"_ Jinx insisted.

"That is uncharacteristically kind of you," Starfire commented.

"I mean, really, we were only breaking the fourth wall," Beast Boy said, nonchalantly. The others nodded in agreement.

"_I'm still confused about dah pairings,"_ Mammoth said dumbly.

"_All I know is that Slade likes Robin,"_ Gizmo said, his smirk heard in his words.

But before anyone could say anything in Robin's defense, Beast Boy pointed to the speaker and shouted, "_You_ like Robin!"

"_Eww! I do not!"_

"You know, that_ is_ entirely plausible. If Gizmo doesn't like Starfire, as he's already stated, then the next best choice for him would be Robin," Cyborg explained calmly.

"_I don't like the birdbrain!"_

"Gotta pick a side is all I'm sayin'." His mechanical shoulders shrugged, "and you _did_ capture more boys than girls."

"_I don't like anyone!"_

"So you're a recluse?"

"_What? I- no!" _Gizmo seemed thrown off by the question. _"I'm not a recluse, you overgrown toaster, I just don't like people."_

"Well then Raven is the girl for you!"

"_No…I don't like Raven either."_

Cyborg gave a mock intake of breath as he looked around at the other Titans. "Did you _hear_ that_ hesitation?_"

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Come on down, Gizmo, and collect your brand new girlfriend!" Beast Boy waved at Raven in his best game show host impression.

"Shut up," Raven hissed at him.

"_I don't want a-!"_

"You know what this means…" Beast Boy gave Cyborg his signature evil grin and they both burst out singing: "GIZMO AND RAVEN SITTIN' IN A TREE!"

"This is _not_ happening…" Raven started shrinking and growing hot around the head.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Now Robin had joined in, drowning out Beast Boy's stutters at the spelling.

"_Shut up, you…you…" _But Gizmo was so stressed that he couldn't even think of a proper insult.

"FIRST COMES LOVE…!"

"If you don't shut up right now, I _swear_ I'm going to-"

"THEN COMES MARRIAGE…!"

"_Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!"_

As Raven got madder and madder, two more eyes appeared on her forehead, and horns grew from her skull. The boys didn't even notice when her black magic started to fill the room and wrap the walls in darkness.

"THEN COMES THE BABY IN THE-!"

**KAPOW!!!**

The walls had suddenly exploded, sending dust and debris everywhere and as it cleared, the Titans could see Raven standing in the middle of it all, chest heaving, teeth grinding, and the three teenage villains sitting a little while off, staring wildly at Raven.

The girl started walking threateningly towards the cowering Titan boys before Robin exclaimed, "No, Raven, the villains! Take it out on the villains!"

"Right," she said and turned to surround Gizmo, Jinx, and Mammoth in a death wrap with her powers. She stomped out of the remaining part of the building, dragging them behind her, making sure to bump them into every bit of rubble possible.

The other Titans climbed out of the wreckage in time to see Raven literally throwing the villains into the back of a waiting cop car and turn around, close all her eyes, and open only two up, with no horns. She walked over to her friends who all shied away from her and said in her usual dull voice, "Can we go home now?"

They smiled weakly. "Come on," Robin said as he led the way to the T-car. "Good work today, Titans."

"Yeah, all thanks to me and my master plan," Beast Boy said with his hands behind his head.

Cyborg snorted. "Your what now?"

"What, you think it was all a coincidence? Nah, I had the whole thing planned out from the very beginning! See, I annoyed Raven so much, knowing that she'd lose her temper and completely blow the place allowing us to escape and capture the villains," he nodded smartly.

"Yeah, BB, I'm sure that was _all_ you." Cyborg patted his head and walked past him.

"Hey! It was!"

"Of course, Beast Boy, good work." Robin winked an eye and gave him a sarcastic thumbs-up as he followed Cyborg.

"Robin…"

"Do not worry, Beast Boy, I believe you!" Starfire gave him a very tight and very patronizing hug before following the two boys into the car.

Raven walked past him without a word.

"Guys, I really did!" When he got in the T-car, Cyborg turned on the engine and turned to look at his green teammate.

"So tell me, Mr. Master Plan, How did you not spelling 'kissing' right when we were singing to Raven and Gizmo?"

"Oh, _that's_ what it spells? I never knew that! Cooool!"

"Oh dear…"

Meanwhile, in the back of the police car, as Jinx was furiously kicking Gizmo as hard as possible, he was muttering to his self, "Next time, I'm using less hallucinogenic components in the sleeping gas."

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**Yeah, random one-shot idea I had and it kept getting longer.**

**PS, I realize that Cyborg has more pairings, currently Beast Boy and sometimes Jinx, but he's basically set with Bumblebee and it was just funnier that way.**

**And a virtual cookie if you catch the 5 episode names (including the movie) in there. I mean, It's not hard, they're capitalized...**


End file.
